In a departure from my usual insane written wanderings, usually involving killer ducks and custard or some other oddness, I present a heartfelt plea. A genuine story of loss and recovery, a metaphor for how growing up and growing older makes everything flatter, less sacred and mundane. (TLDR) Vinyl records are great. I write this…

An extract from my first novel, ‘Mercian Nights’. (A.K.A. ‘What happens when you get a few years of comments you’ve made on other people’s posts on social media and write a story around them where every line of dialogue is the comments you made taken completely out of context.) “Ducks are cute. Yeah.” Castor bowed…

I have recently found myself thinking about space. Specifically, the bit near the Earth which, admittedly, is a very small part of space but still pretty huge in comparison to, say, a walnut. I have the brain capacity to hold the mental image of a walnut in my head with ease. Sometimes. On a sunny…

Anyone who had the misfortune to live through both Hulkamania and the Millennium remembers ‘The A-Team’ Even those who managed to escape the torture of Robbie ‘Dickwhistle’ Williams gurning and gopping about what year it was while rubbing various fruits and vegetables on himself for months on end have probably heard of ‘The A-Team’. They…

I forced ChatGPT to read pretty much everything I have ever written in my entire life and asked it to use those windows into my psyche to create a psychological profile of me, for me. The results were interesting, you should all try it. This is what AI circa 2025 thinks the inside of my…

It may seem bizarre to the majority of people. It may seem funny to some. It may seem to be some kind of hysterical conspiracy theory borne of a warped, squishy mind with far too much time on its hands to others. It may seem like the scent and feeling of the colour blue to…

Having just been informed that a large, ginger ape with serious boundary issues, is once again the doofus POTUS, I find myself, not for the first time, revisiting the idea that this, this universe we live in, is indeed a simulation. (I know I’m late to this information, but I don’t follow the news or…

A wonderful holiday in the sun. Sort of.

How to continue living despite everything being geared against you.

Sometimes the random voices come to me mid-afternoon; lunchtime, maybe half one, replete with a plateful of hot, buttered crumpets. They try to convince me to become a Seventh Day Adventist, take up rollerblading and invest in pork belly futures. It never works, even with the crumpet bribe.