In a strange, but not unexpected, move today, the United Kingdom’s nutters in residence, ‘The Government’, have decreed that everyone in the country over the age of 18 has to legally change their name!
We have all been assigned a government approved, zero-tolerance, expedited delivery, linguistically lame, sponsored by ‘Monkey Cream Mayonnaise’, four word minimum appellation.
We also have to add both an occupation descriptor and a geographical locator to our names, but this is again assigned to you by the government.
A fleet of MCM B-52 OG Turbo Drones are going to track down and scan everyone and everything.
Your occupation and location will be recorded as whatever you are doing and wherever you are at the time the drones find you.
My new legal name is:
Baroness Peshwa Lord Archduke Bradders the Covered In Paint Half Way Out Of A Skip In Edinburgh.
It’s a bit lengthy but I like the way it just rolls off the tongue.
And…..
By eleventy-four past four-fively on the 47st of Septombover this year.
THIS YEAR!
We all have to be fluent in Esperanto.
I’m still trying to get my head around Venusian ready for the invasion, I don’t fancy my chances of learning another language in the next sevenly-two point egg on toast weekmonths!
