Random Voices 2: The Revenge of Random Voices.

Sometimes the voices come in the morning and try to convince me they made breakfast.

The only place he has one

And he thinks vomit is real tasty!

Some more helful government literature

I’m so glad the government took the time to send me this leaflet.
Up until now I had no idea where to go for my medical needs.

All this time I have been going to the florist for my toothache and Big Al’s Used Car Emporium for my eyecare. No wonder I didn’t get my problems sorted.

I have to give them credit for still trying to help but now I wonder how I didn’t realise stuffing peonys and roses in my mush wouldn’t be very effective against tooth decay and that buying a ’01 Nissan Micra wouldn’t help with my myopia.

You live and learn huh?

Still, it’s good to know how our taxes are spent. This leaflet campaign only cost £4.8 billion! Bargain!

Procrastination is a real illness! You can catch it from trees, the lazy bastards!

Then he whacked the guy with a lute!

They stole his X-Box

Not Poodle!

Found this in a dried unleavened dough based snack…I’ve been lied to for my entire life!!!

Be careful with your fruits!

And she woke up hilarious once too!

Be careful how you dispose of white goods

I figured out where all this snow and cold weather came from!
Some plank dumped a fridge freezer and left the fucking freezer door open!!

People. If you’re gonna dump household items, do it properly. The other day I walked past a carelessly dumped washing machine with the door missing and it chased me down the road trying to wash my socks!

I don’t want to talk about the lidless toilet that was lurking on a patch of waste ground back in September. Not until I have had at least another six months of therapy and all the hair has grown back.

This will not end well!

Trump’s great idea for social distancing

Trump’s other idea for the defeat of Covid 19

A Magnificent Album.
Track listing:

Blew (every chance of getting laid until I became a millionaire)
Floyd the Barber (can’t do shit with my hair)
About A Girl (who I grabbed by the genitals in a toilet once)
School (wasn’t for me but it’s cool, ‘cos I had a trust fund)
Love Buzz (but only with a whole pack of viagara)
Paper Cuts (ouchie, ouchie, hurty, hurty, where’s my mummy? I got boo boo)
Negative Creep (a dance I invented – grabby, grabby)
Scoff (all the pies, and the cakes, and the chips and small babies)
Swap Meet (ballad of my penis surgery, now, sometimes, I can see it!)
Mr Moustache (I love a man with a furry lip)
Sifting (the pulp from my orange skin dye)

X marks the Spock