The little robin redbreast. Cute little flying thing and occasinally stealer of cream from the milk bottles on your doorstep.
Also, nature’s philosophers. They are in a permanent state of bemusement. Not a day in a robin’s life goes by without them thinking about the mysteries of life and the deeper meaning of everything.
“If two mind readers are reading each other’s minds, whose minds are they reading?”
“A different version of me exists in the mind of everyone who knows me.”
“Are the ‘e’s in the words ‘bee’ and ‘pee’ silent?”
“Holy shit! Are those MY feet?”
“Beanbags are just boneless sofas.”
“Is a toast/cat generator really possible?”
“Did the man with the world’s longest beard really die by tripping over it?”
“Do dogs bring back sticks because of millenia evolving alongside humans who need wood for fires?”
“Do humans only notice one sock going missing because if both socks vanished they wouldn’t notice at all.”
“Are ducks the ultimate animal because they can swim, walk AND fly?”
“He’ll never get that in there.”
“How do they signal Batman in the daytime?”
“If Spiderwoman and Spiderman had sex, would she kill and eat him afterwards?”
“If a thumb isn’t a finger, why do humans call it the middle finger when it’s not the middle finger of the fingers?”
“If the zombie apocalypse happens in Vegas, would it stay in Vegas?”
“If a human drops soap on the floor, does it make the soap dirty or the floor clean?”
“If a human’s shirt isn’t tucked into its pants, are its pants tucked into its shirt?”
“Is there really a shortage of Ninjas in Japan or are they just that good we can’t see them to count them?”
“Is water a beverage whose only flavour is its temperature?”
“Miley Cyrus IS Hannah Montana?!”
“More cheese equals more holes but more holes equals less cheese?!?!”
“WHY IS PIERS MORGAN?”
“Night time is the natural state of the universe and day time is only caused by the serendipity of a nearby radiating ball of flame.”
“Oo keeps leavin’ this bloody spade ‘ere?”
“WHY IS PIERS FUCKING MORGAN?”
“Wait….Light can travel in particles AND waves?”
“Rogan Josh ISN’T a person?”
“We really should appreciate that our bodies know the difference between gasses and solids and also know the right time to expel each one.”
“Just what the hell is going on with this grass?”
“Where did I park the car?”
“What are those fucking squirrel blokes up to?”
“Where’s me mam gone?”
“Where did that golf ball go?”
“Where’s that squirrel gone wi me tankard?”
“Who IS Oly Obst?”
“Why do humans leave cars worth thousands in the driveway and put useless junk in the garage?”
“Why is a hamburger called a hamburger when it’s made out of beef?”
“Will my future self think I am a fool for the choices I haven’t made yet?”
Not Reflective Robins – Not Nature’s Philosophers.
“There’s that idiot flittin’ abart philosopherisering again. Oi twatface. You wanna try bein’ called a tit, thatted gi ya summat to fink abart. Bloody kids pointin’ and laffin at me the ole time. An t’only pressin’ fing on your tiny bod brain is t’mysteries o’ t’universe. Dunt no is fuckin born I swear.”
